Quiff of the Year

‘Quiff of the Year’ winner 2015: Tom Thorp

Tom Thorp Quiff of the week

Lymington Cricket Club is proud to announce that Tom Thorp is the latest recipient of the club’s highly prestigious Quiff of the Year award.

The accolade is reward for some pretty intensive personal grooming this season for the former Lymington colt. “It makes all the hours and hours of standing in front of a mirror worthwhile” admitted the out of work soccer coach.

It’s not been an easy rise to fame for the 24-ish year old batsman. “If I’m honest, four or five years ago I was struggling. I’d endured a couple of pretty poor hairstyles and my cricket went downhill as a consequence. Having said that, at that time I was in the Third team one week, the Second XI the next and sometimes even the Firsts – my hair didn’t know if it was coming or going”. I decided it was time to go back to my roots, which I subsequently bleached. I knew that Chrissy Walford had built the new pavilion down at Milford on Sea cricket ground and I’d heard about it’s spacious changing rooms with large mirrors and hairdryer sockets. I knew that this was the environment in which my hair could regain its form and flourish”. Sure enough, results quickly improved, and as the shampoo and conditioner flowed, so did the runs.

Tom was eventually lured back to Lymington Cricket Club by his father in return for a reasonably priced, fairly low mileage used motor car. “Naturally I had my reservations”, admitted the close friend of several lower league professional footballers, “mainly because I felt that the mileage may not have been as low as my father was making out. But it’s turned out to be a good move for both me and my hair”. Tom has been rattling up the runs for the Third XI, although it began badly with the fiasco against Ferndown Wayfarers in the team’s opening match. “It was a complete disaster from start to finish” recalls the vest wearing personal trainer. “On the morning of the match both Boots and Superdrug had run out of my favourite styling mousse. The 99p store simply wasn’t an option so I had to go into the game naked, as it were”. Given the lack of preparation for Tom’s hair, it was hardly a shock when the team were skittled out for just 17 runs, the lowest score ever recorded by a Lymington league side. But fortunes have since improved and now the team, much like Tom’s hair, are positively shining and bouncy. But, being at the vanguard of the side’s recovery does have its added pressure. “Sometimes I do feel the weight of the team’s hair on my shoulders” confessed the qualified masseuse. “Apart from Trevor Phillips’, obviously”

So is Tom looking to progress into the Seconds, and perhaps even the First XI? “I’m still waiting for the call” he ranted as he swigged back another Peronni. “I genuinely don’t think there’s any hairstyles in the Second XI to worry me. I think Ollie works a bit harder on his hair than he lets on, but the likes of Gregors, Joel and Bryn haven’t seen a decent stylist in years. The First XI isn’t much better, except maybe for Lewis McManus, but then again have you seen the professional grooming facilities the pros have available at the Ageas Bowl? Honestly, go and have a look if you get the chance – they’ve all got top of the range Valera and Baybliss dryers and straighteners – none of your cheap Argos rubbish”.

Finally, can Tom offer any advice to his fellow players at Lymington? “It’s no surprise that our First XI struggle in the all day matches because they simply don’t use the correct product. How can you possibly bat for 64 overs if you’re worried about your hair going out of shape? I personally would recommend something like Pomade styling spray, L’Oreal Urban Shag gel, or my all time favourite Kevin Murphy Hair Resort which is the one I’ve used for the past three seasons. It’s amazing how you can see and feel the difference from the very first time you use it,” he added, hoping someone was still listening.

‘Quiff of the Year’ winner 2013: Josh Thacker

Josh Thacker was last night celebrating after becoming the very first recipient of the  Lymington CC Quiff of the Year award. Josh, who was nominated by a panel of experts including Tony Jenkin, Trevor Phillips and Malcom Douglas, was clearly overwhelmed by his accolade. “It’s a great honour to receive this award,” he said. “There’s a great tradition of hair in this club. We’re always being reminded about the 1983 title winning side with Steve Andrew’s mullet and Peter Tapper’s bubble perm. And of course Glyn Treagus won the Southern League hairstyle of the year award four times in a row in the 1990s – that’s no mean achievement.”

He added: “All the lads in the First XI work really hard on their hair and there’s great competition for places. Sometimes I have to arrive half an hour early just to get a place in front of the changing room mirror. Take Damian Edwards for example. It might always appear as though he’s just got out of bed, but I can assure you that that lad puts in the hard yards when it comes to his barnet. And we all know that we can’t rest on our laurels… it’s well known that the Ambrose boys are just one visit to a decent stylist away from a call-up to the Firsts. And I even heard a rumour that Geoff Webber has been seen visiting the same clinic as Shane Warne.”

Josh puts his success down to the use of Trevor Sorbie Styling Wax and a Wahl MaxPro 1600w Hair Dryer. “It’s not the most powerful dryer on the market, but it’s compact and lightweight and gets the job done. I’d recommend it to any young player aspiring to play First XI cricket”

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